“Tak boleh beri discount?” the Lecturer says in his bargaining tone. He is a stout, slightly plumpish Malay gentleman, sporting a senior looking hat and umbrella he used to shelter him from the rain.
“Sorry sir but the prices are already cheap, cheaper than most bookstores.” the part-time Cashier reasons.
“Bolehlah?” the Lecturer tries once more.
“Sorry sir, but I really can’t.” the Cashier maintains.
“You tak boleh cakap Bahasa Melayu?” the Lecturer states in a hushed but very assertive voice.
“Hah?” the Cashier exclaims, unable to make out what the gentleman said.
“Tak tau cakap Bahasa Melayu?!” again the Lecturer goes, shifting his body slightly, leaning forward towards the Cashier.
“Saya tau cakap Bahasa Melayu but lebih mudah untuk saya cakap Bahasa Inggeris. I speak English at home. More comfortable.” the Cashier explains politely.
“U Balik Cina.” the Lecturer says in his hushed voice. But this time he displays a conceited look, of disgust with the slightest stroke of arrogance.
Blood rushes through the Cashier’s face, probably making him look like a ripe tomato. He drops his head in embarrassment, desperately trying to keep his cool whilst finding the exact change for the customer. It’s not easy controlling your hands that could at any moment become fists to be thrown towards the “gentleman”. But, as sure as the Sun would rise, the Cashier fades into the numbers that show on those coloured pieces of paper, maintaining his sense of integrity for himself.
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In the story above, the Cashier would be me, and the backdrop UiTM INTEC.
Why was I there? On a company roadshow to promote and sell books to their students.
When was it? Not too long ago.
How did it feel? Terrible.
It goes without saying that it was about time I would taste that bitter and agonising taste of racism. It goes without saying that living in a multicultural country, it was about time I truly felt and experienced the distance between our cultures, through the myopic and overly conservative pair of glasses that many right wing activists or practitioners wear. It goes without saying that I needed this slap in the face, this first encounter with the beast.
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Racial intolerance, could it be something that maybe inherent in the human psyche or something that we practice by choice? Could this disease be linked to our fight-or-flight response or could it simply be our problem with the invasion of privacy, of an alien into my space. Either way, it is something that has not changed since the dawn of time. Hegel argued that there is no inner or constant reason, rather that things are viewed from the point of view of history, that the “glasses of time” that you wear determine how you view the world. But have the glasses of time changed in our small, myopic Malaysia, since gaining independence 50 years ago?
“Sssssh!” “Not so loud la!” would be the caution that everyone warns whenever “sensitive” issues are brought up. Is it social taboo, fear or simply a none-of-my-business attitude?
Since gaining independence 53 years ago and becoming a nation a couple of years later, these glasses of time I believe have not changed. If at all, they have become murky or tinged with the hatred and bloodlust of crimson red, poisoning and masking the values that society adopted when we become one. Although national policies could hardly change the mindset of society as a whole, they can mirror the mindset that each one of us holds, of prejudice and racism.
To be honest, I didn’t feel anything during our Independence Day or even Malaysia Day. It was just another day in the life of a part-time bookstore worker. Could I care less? I know I should have felt at least felt the slightest trace of patriotism but in my mind it was nothing but the prospect of earning extra during a public holiday. Why I wonder?
When things like that gentleman pointed out to me are said, maybe I’m just in the wrong country?
PopeBaldie
I believe in responding strongly in situations like this and it might have been good to put this person in his place.
‘Balik Cina?’ Saya warganegara Malaysia! Mengapa pula tuan fikir saya berasal dari Cina? Kalau tuan fikir saya patut balik Cina, mengapa pula Tun Mahathir tidak disuruh balik Kerala? Datuk dia asal dari sana manakala datuk saya pula dilahir disini, di tanahair. Mungkin juga datuk tuan asal dari Riau atau Java? Kalau begitu, patutlah saya minta tuan balik sana.’
Racism is abhorrent and we must deal with it when we encounter ignorant people espousing obviously racist slurs such as this.
You have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. You’re every bit as Malaysian as they and must stand proudly to proclaim that.
Hi Uncle John,
Nice to hear that there’s actually someone out there who reads my blog after its long inactivity.
I understand your point on putting a man in his place, rooting it out from the ground up. Unfortunately, at that point of time, I couldn’t think and didn’t react because of a slight shock that “Wow! First time and I’ve actually experienced it in person! Now I know what it feels like.” Perhaps I could have done better in defending my own integrity and pride, that I admit. Next time I would know what to do. Dad was saying that it’s good that I got it, to know what it actually feels like and open my eyes, to realise the “sh*thole” we’re in. I think we can work towards a better tomorrow, idealistic or optimistic it may be, but that systemic pessimism and lack of will for change in many people certainly is disheartening to someone who is thinking of coming back to Malaysia and improve the situation. Dad is certainly against coming back, especially so as a lawyer.
James, I’m truly saddened and sorry by what you had (and will continue to) endure by living in this country of ours. The fact that such words were uttered by a Lecturer, supposedly someone with education and is learned goes to show that we truly are in a ‘sh*thole’ right now.
I admire that despite what you have been through, you still have aspirations of coming back and try to change things. You will definitely have my support. I would like to do the same but my dad is dead set against it too.
Thanks for the understanding. The worse thing is that he teaches at INTEC, whether to the A-Levels students or to the teachers of tomorrow, I don’t know. But someone in the line of forming and nurturing a mind doing these things is totally unacceptable. I will definitely come back, for how long I don’t know because everything still lies in the future. But I hope to bring about change in whatever capacity I can, hopefully from a seat in Parliament.
And you certainly are not in the wrong country. If anything, it is racist bigots like that gentleman who does not have a place in our country.
James, ultimately where you live is your choice. There is no Utopia and wherever you go, there will be problems. Just as there will be good things.
Of course, having a choice means you don’t have to be somewhere you don’t want to be, but it also means you can be somewhere that, despite the issues and the difficulties, you feel an affinity for.
You don’t have to make that decision now, though, so go do the stuff you need to do first then decide.
oh my : / Now that’s something. I was in INTEC at that time, and still am.